As it turns out, the French are afraid of me. I must admit, this fear is prudent but I haven't yet given them a glimpse of the veritable cyclone I can become when angered so this development is a mystery to me. At any rate, they've gotten my Irish up now so I fear they'll soon find out that their fears are well-founded if bizarrely ignited.
The French are afraid of me because I'm American. America, a nation they have never liked although today they remain independent from Germany thanks to our heroics, a nation that they have determined to be going out of business in one fell swoop, to be sinking so quickly into the morass of our own greed and self-satisfaction that they expect to turn on the TV before the year is through and see bread lines forming on Madison Avenue. The *&$#ing French. The is the country I'm moving to in less than a week, the one so many Americans associate with romance, the home of Paris, a city so beautiful that even Hitler spared it. I have news for you about France.
France is the land of fear. There's a reason the French army surrendered at the Marginau line (twice) without so much as a pistol discharge. There's a reason France is not known for innovation. Who's your favorite French inventor? Which French entrepreneur do you most admire? Coming up dry? There's a reason for that. The French people who might otherwise put themselves to productive use are busy quaking in their boots and running for cover. Insulation is their protection strategy and bureaucracy is their tactic of choice. They build bunkers of paperwork and jump inside. Paperwork creates an effective barrier spiritual, emotional and physical. Bureaucracy is their fortress. But I digress . . .
I've been negotiating the rental apartment for the last 3 weeks. Every few days they've asked for more paperwork - pay stubs for the last 2 months, checking and savings account statements, company financial statements for the last 2 years. I fully expected to receive a polite email request for a blood sample and a copy of my family tree. I have called on two native French speakers to plead my case more eloquently than I can and still the uncertainty drags on. Yesterday one of them emailed to let me know that they'd agreed to rent me the apartment if I paid all 6 months of rent upfront. I ran this by our CFO (one of many recent requests) and after an adequate period of venting, he conceded. I emailed the agent back and asked her to prepare the contract. My other French friend called me tonight to let me know that I'd misunderstood their offer. Yes, they wanted 6 months of rent upfront but they also required a security deposit equal to 6 months rent. There's a fancy word for this in French (applied only to the highest risk applicants) but in the US they call this an interest-free loan. I tried to explain this to the agent while she tried to explain with equal insistence just what a significant risk they would be taking in renting this apartment to me. As someone who once owned a rental property and has been on the wrong end of missed payments, theft and willful destruction of property, I tried my best to sympathize. Then I put my brain back on.
I started wondering if this was a case of discrimination. Could someone refuse to rent me an apartment simply because I am American? Is that even legal in France? Then I started to think bigger picture. Am I going to survive in this country for six months? Scratch that - I'm a survivor. More realistically, I wonder if the French stand a chance against my hot headed temper and willingness, make that eagerness, to fight the good fight?
